Pondering the Mourning

I don't look at myself anymore,

I don't know who I am.

Faded, forgotten in memory

The unrecognizable man.

The 20/20 of Hindsight. Or: The Alarm that Can't be Dismissed

And here's to the New Year!  Already?!  Yup.  2013 is a wrap and boy... does it not really matter.  Honestly, New Year is just a societal construct.  Keeps the days (another construct) in order and allows a neat timely cycle for seasons and an attempt to have a hand in controlling time.  (Philosophical enough for ya?!)  Why does the New Year not matter?  Because nothing REALLY changes.  Not physically.  Our minds might believe an adjust meant has occurred, but days, as they are, are days.  The New Year, as it is, could happen at any point in time, and nothing would fall out of place.  Resolutions and promises of personal change fail for this exact reason; if you won't change your life at any other point, why would a new year matter?  It doesn't!  No even a little.  And, even if it did, why wait?  Anything worth having is worth waiting for. but given the severity and difficulty that comes with change, what's the point in enduring a faulty way of life for another moment, much less days, weeks, or months until the next year begins?

Anyway, here we are still, on the eve of the full calenders rollover pondering the next moment to come.  Me, I'm looking forward to tomorrow, as I looked forward to today and yesterday.  That is the thing that I shall bring with me into the future.  I take now, only the good and remembering the bad, into tomorrow and shall soldier on towards making each day as much better than the last.  No big changes, lies, that I planned months ago to look forward to, only tomorrow for whatever it shall be.  And, that's enough.  Shit happened, good, bad, and meh, as it does every year, and, most importantly, I DIDN'T DIE!  I call that a win!

So, here's to every tomorrow to come and whatever it holds within!

CHEE-YA!!! BITCHES

Back on Track. Or, How to Drive Backwards without Looking in the Rear-view Mirror

Well, here we go again.  Slight change of pace this time as this isn't some deep thought rhyme scheme.  More like a group of thoughts that instead of just writing them as they come, me and my perfectionist-self will edit, adjust and control the flow of thought like a Republican and a woman's vagina!  BURN!!! (See why I don't do comedy?)  Anyway, this is just the jumping off point for me to get back into my writings that I've neglected for far too long.   Why?  Because it's way to personal and my emotions drive my hand with my heart guiding the pen... err, keyboard?  Whatever.  Point made.  So, here is a shot for my conscious-self to man the helm and steer for a bit.  Not a lot on today's post, just an intro into whatever this will be, which, (I love commas!) will be a hopefully be a slightly messy cohesive group of feels and stuffs!

That's that, for that, for now.

(This shit is gonna get ugly!)

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,comma-hameha,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

A Look in the Mirror

I know not what I'm afraid of;
fear, success, a lovers caress?
To be patronized, ostracized,
to be left alone?

Must I give and let you take?
Allow my mind to sleep
so my soul should finally wake?
Of my heart I tender but a piece,
for peace is what I truly seek.

No more to wander as I wonder;
not again to surrender as I slumber.
To emerge imbued with sight beyond my own;
my self's plight removed from its throne.

I ask but a question,
a thought lost to the ether.
Gathered together, all of the above,
I, mostly, is what I am afraid of.

Night Whisper 16

Perched upon high, I see this vast expand,
A touch to the horizon made with out-stretched hand.
Not apparent of its distance, I move...
not enough...
not enough...
There!
And fall to the tides, life never more fair.
Nothing left but the end, for the waves to wash me under;
To sleep and dream and dwell in peaceful slumber.

Night Whisper 15

'Twas the night that shown me towards my selfs abyss; salvation abandoned, I had no part in this. Denial lay the foundation, brick and mortar; I merely sought sanctuary, not prides torture. Penance, karma,  but words that lack a master; I shall take the Devils hand, only to find Hell faster.

Night Whisper 14

I embrace the night to become my dream; solace layed still in the peaceful dark 'tween. Virgil as my guide through this non-mortal realm; perseverance at my right so that none shall overwhelm.