Wednesday, December 26, 2012
A Look in the Mirror
I know not what I'm afraid of;
fear, success, a lovers caress?
To be patronized, ostracized,
to be left alone?
Must I give and let you take?
Allow my mind to sleep
so my soul should finally wake?
Of my heart I tender but a piece,
for peace is what I truly seek.
No more to wander as I wonder;
not again to surrender as I slumber.
To emerge imbued with sight beyond my own;
my self's plight removed from its throne.
I ask but a question,
a thought lost to the ether.
Gathered together, all of the above,
I, mostly, is what I am afraid of.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Night Whisper 16
Perched upon high, I see this vast expand,
A touch to the horizon made with out-stretched hand.
Not apparent of its distance, I move...
not enough...
not enough...
There!
And fall to the tides, life never more fair.
Nothing left but the end, for the waves to wash me under;
To sleep and dream and dwell in peaceful slumber.
Night Whisper 15
'Twas the night that shown me towards my selfs abyss; salvation abandoned, I had no part in this. Denial lay the foundation, brick and mortar; I merely sought sanctuary, not prides torture. Penance, karma, but words that lack a master; I shall take the Devils hand, only to find Hell faster.
Night Whisper 14
I embrace the night to become my dream; solace layed still in the peaceful dark 'tween. Virgil as my guide through this non-mortal realm; perseverance at my right so that none shall overwhelm.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
My World to Wonder
I work and I think,
I act and I wonder.
I speak and I love,
I hate and I'm silent.
I move and I try...
I stop.
I give in.
I succeed as I heed.
I move no more forward
than I'm prepared to reverse course.
I'm timid and rigid.
I flex not for fear of breaking.
I am hesitant to thoughts not complacent.
I am afraid, not for what I don't know,
but, for what I understand.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
One More Round
I found my sorrows at the bottom of a bottle,
and drank them slowly and thanked them wholly.
I wondered not why they tried to drown,
once my parched lips were the home they found.
As it flowed, a debt I owed, to the misery that once fled
A past repeated, a drink depleted, no memory of what they said.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Just a Man
upon which I Stand,
Leaping leaves from fallen trees
Stumbling, I land.
Running from my shadow,
it again gains the upper hand.
I Stop, it stares, my life outran,
He Knows what I don't,
That I am Just a man.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Night Whisper 13
Broken thoughts linked,
moments separated in pieces.
Pages turned, tattered and ripped;
chapters written solid in stone
moments separated in pieces.
Pages turned, tattered and ripped;
chapters written solid in stone
Sunday, April 1, 2012
The Lost, Followed Path
I’m cold, but I
think I like it here. I’m alone, but I
think I need to be that way. I’m not afraid, but I think I should be.
These are the
thoughts that abandon my mind as I continue on my journey. This place, vast and expansive, all
encompassing. My mind tries to connect
it to the past, but fails at each attempt; where I am I’ve never been and have
no idea of how to escape. Is this real? Of course this is real. I feel the crackle of leaves and twigs
underfoot, the wet, semi-solid substance that I hope to be mud between my toes;
my toes have stubbed enough blunt objects to know the feel of uncovered rocks. I could see this entire forest if not for the
trees. The tree topped horizon escaping
my sight while the moon light helps illuminate the otherwise darkened night.
I should hope that
is night. Perhaps I am under a
canopy. Maybe this is an
experiment? Could I have been kidnapped
and drugged?
Perhaps. Perhaps
this is just a dream. I have been
sedated and am in deep sleep; a coma. They
say that you can’t feel pain in a dream and if you do you’ll instantly wake up;
but who are they and how do they know? Maybe I was in some sort of accident and am lying
in a hospital bed, the few acquaintances that I have gathered in my life
waiting in hopes of my quick return to them.
Then I should hope that this journey is quick or that they (more unknowns in this equation) are
patient enough to await my arrival.
I know not where this place is, yet this… wherever I am,
in all of its expansive surroundings, lies unchanging, untouched by the hand of
man. Life shaped by Mother Nature and
kept natural by her love and her fury.
In front of me lies the empty shell of what used to be a doe. Her eyes fully open, fixated in one place as
through the two were connected. Her
tongue, still moist as life has just departed its once home, hanging off to the
side of her partially closed mouth. No
wounds mark this body and I should hope that it did not suffer (not that past suffering pays any account to
the lost or witnessed). Around the
doe I hear quick snaps and pops of twigs and the shuffling of leaves as other
creatures, possibly the remainder of her herd, escaping in the distance at the
notice of my presence. I reach to close
the animal’s eyes, but something about their placement begs me to leave them in
peace.
She sees something. Perhaps she too is on a solemn journey. Or maybe she has escaped and wishes to lead
me to the exit.
I
follow her direction, finding this new path as endless as my last. Not knowing
my location, I imagine that my direct direction matters little, though, in my situation
I could be wrong. A cool breeze
tickles the back of my neck, chilling my skin with a touch as inviting as a
lover welcoming his mate. I stop in
place, looking around hoping for a companion to come from behind a nearby tree
and end my fruitless search for sanctuary.
No one is there, because no one is
here. No one is what I shall call myself,
and, as No one, I am nowhere and all around me is nothing. I long to quit this nothing more than I
long to inhale the next life sustaining breath that my body so requires.
I am tired and I refuse to
continue. I am bored with this ruse and
wish to no longer hide if the seeker shall not seek.
Rain
falls lightly as my pace slows. My
ambition is lost and the latter of my earlier conclusions becomes my new
hope. Soon from this dream the sleeper shall awaken. My mind wanders from the present seeking the
past and in it understanding. From the
former of my life nothing has been retained… And since I am No one, why should this not be the case?... and with no memories to grace this moment, I
fear that I am defeated as I continue to search.
As suddenly as I began walking, my body seizes still, limpness
takes over me, forcing me in all my momentum towards the sloppy mud like
substance upon the earth. As I try to
gain exactness as to my new condition, delirium begins to set, leaving my mind
in a void of wonder, a cacophony of nothing echoing loudly, as I embrace this
stoic comfort. Formerly abandoned
thoughts retake their place in my mind as my eyes lock forward and I whisper
into the sleepless night.
Wherever I am, I am there, and
whenever I am there… here I shall be.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
The Follower
You stay with me still, my penance ghost.
You apparition of my soul.
Never to leave me, forever to stay.
Whenever my mind wanders,
Thoughts of you it does play.
A fading whisper lost in the distance.
Glistening ember, dimmed by the fog.
The lost wanderer that unknowingly travels true.
A shadow of the dawn, rising above the horizon.
And I, I the follower, retracing footprints
long since covered.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Good Enough
He wasn’t the best
looking, the strongest, or the smartest… But he was good enough.
Every day began with the general
routine. Wake up, shower, wait for the
misses to make breakfast, get the kids up and going… Wash, rinse, repeat;
follow with a smile! Not a thing that he
loved more than these moments. The
family together, in such an early rush of chaos that should drive any sane man
outside himself. Kids screaming, wife
complaining, peace abandoned for stress and turmoil. And he wouldn’t trade a single second of
it. Not for anything. He had it all.
Last minute see you laters and reminders and what needs to
be done later in the evening, as well as kisses were passed around before
everyone parted for their daily commutes. Ava, his six year old daughter,
always hated this. (She was just at the
age where she was old enough to rebel from family moments, but too small to do
anything about it) Mitchell, his eldest
son, didn’t care. He wanted more than
anything to be like his father, and anything that made the old man smile was
all well and good to him. He accepted
his parents love and silently laughed at his little sisters impatience (he’d
just passed that phase a few years ago) before rescuing her from purgatory and
jogging towards the bus stop.
A grazed, passing kiss from his beautiful wife Felicia
always completed the cycle. He almost
tripped trying to follow her step for step with his two left feet. Never had he met a person with a better sense
of timing than her. Always on time,
constantly on the go, rarely taking time for the grand moments that took place
around her. But, tonight was a special
night. Their six year anniversary. He made plans with his brother-in-law to take
the kids for the night. Felicia had
never been a woman to take pleasure before her duties as a woman, but he knew a
few ways to get her to embrace life. I better stretch first this time.
He took a few
last breaths of peace, made sure he had his keys and essential items for the
day and turned set the home alarm. Just
before he could make his way for the front door, he heard Mitchell’s t.v. still
on. Felicia would have a fit if she
happened to come home early and find the television on, unattended, for the
entire day. Every penny counts, she’d say.
(He left their bathroom light on from night to morning once and still can hear voice telling him the amount of energy he pointlessly wasted) No need
for both males in this house to be scarred for life, he thought, I
better go turn that off.
He ventured up
the stairs, into his son’s room, pausing only long enough to wonder what
happened to the good old days of cartoons and simple sitcoms. Closing the door, he made quickly towards the
stairs, savoring the loving radiance of his family’s home, missing his first
step down and crashing uncontrollably down and over the banister, the sound of
his head hitting the hardwood floor echoing for no one to hear.
Startled, he opens his eyes, cursing the alarm clock for waking him yet again. Another day.
Another again. Complacency at its
finest. This less than existence. He sat upward in his bed, the mistake from
last night still snoring soundly, sounds that only compelled him more to be anywhere but
here; anyone but himself. He’d wake…
whatever her name is in a little bit and get her out as soon as possible. He yawned, stretched, tried to orient himself
to the morning, failed, found the used spoon, grabbed a new syringe (gotta be safe!), silently thanked the gym
for exposing so many strong veins, melted his piece, and injected euphoria into
his soul.
After
he composed himself, he walked slowly towards the mirror to check his façade,
making sure each piece was in its place.
Smile: Check (not too happy, with
just a slight smirk, whites not too white but they ain’t yellow).
Bright, shining eyes: Check (thank
God for visine).
Physique: Solid (I might not be
much, but I look good)
He
heard the footsteps and movement of his short time guest, probably trying to
figure out what she did and, well, what
she did. Oh well, there’s only way in and one way out. She can figure out which is which.
He
made his way out from the bathroom to a newly empty apartment, exchanging his sleep
wear for the least dingy shirt and pants set that he could find.
I’ll shower later.
Leaving his apartment, he passed the hot, somewhat worn, single mom, with her two kids and wondered if he possibly had a chance with
the breeder.
Meh.
As he stepped towards the city bus stop, waiting to begin his commute to work, he saw a woman stepping
off the bus and called to her.
She
waved a finger back at him.
Perfect, he
thought. Well, at least, good enough.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
In Memory
Tonight I say goodbye, tonight I forgive,
so that I can continue on, so that I can live.
I close the door and to you I say thanks,
for who you were in the past,
the life we created from blanks.
But not to your face, because we no longer speak.
Our friendship is gone, broken, too weak.
So I speak to you in memory, to the person I once knew.
My friend, my companion, to you I shall always be true.
Our life that was shall always be my guide;
behind that wall is a love that I will seek when I hide.
Goodbye, for now, until tomorrow or whenever.
No, I'll see you in the memory of my heart forever.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Distance
distance that lets me know,
that with distance you'll always stay,
with distance you'll never go.
Safely I'll keep you, far away from me,
never too close that me you will ever see.
Locked in thought, removed, not replaced,
in memory you are forever, in memory you are safe.
in memory you are forever, in memory you are safe.
I'll need you, I'll plead for you, but the words I'll never say.
You'll ask, even beg, but I'll always be this way.
And I hate it! Not knowing how to change,
but, to keep you safe, distance is the price I'll pay.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Enemy
I'm not your only enemy tonight.
One glance in the mirror and I knew he was right.
My shadow, walks my path, by my side, always with me.
not like the mirror, my exact brother, that shows whats wrong with me.
And then my soul, my final friend whole;
the sum of my being that plays the greatest role.
My guide, my love, myself within removed from all doubt;
my fault, my mistakes, myself enduring all doubt.
Reunited inside, a family of one;
my brothers, my father, and I, I the son.
I need them, I seek them, to strengthen when I weaken;
I call them, I follow them to lean on when I weaken.
But, they are me and I am none;
a dark skies reflection of the sun.
Novel written, pages full, yet blank.
Hollow man, full of substance, yet blank.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
From a Breath
From a breath comes a whisper,
From a whisper comes a sound,
From a sound comes a voice,
From a voice comes a word,
From a word comes a sentence,
From a sentence comes a feeling,
From a feeling comes bliss,
From bliss comes silence,
From silence comes a breath.
From a whisper comes a sound,
From a sound comes a voice,
From a voice comes a word,
From a word comes a sentence,
From a sentence comes a feeling,
From a feeling comes bliss,
From bliss comes silence,
From silence comes a breath.
Once Hollow
Fleeing from what’s fleeting,
Putting together pieces to find what peace is,
Removed as a being that is just being,
I’ll know more when I am no more.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
My Forever Love
Mmmmm, the taste of sweetness hanging in the air;
silk woven beautifully, the texture of your hair.
Kisses placed softly, from forehead to cheek;
pleasure through peace, no pain here to seek.
I ask for you to follow, you come so I can lead;
down the road we travel, careless warnings not to heed.
Duality in mortality, you and I here alone;
life fragile as glass; transparent, all is shown.
Come now to bed, I made it just for you;
and when you never wake, it will be as someone new.
Sleep now with finality, dream, should you still be able;
life turned to memory, wishes turned to fable.
Pierced, you were struck, but not by cupids arrow;
gentle was my touch, I was ever so careful.
Faint as a whisper, shallow breathes are released;
soon rigor sets in, all motion has ceased.
Firmness in your hands, this forever lasting grasp;
bowed head as I speak, praying hands locked in clasp.
“As you are, you shall remain, body never again to age.
Another name in this book, forgotten, until I turn the
page.”
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Ever Growing
The more I know
The more I grow
The more I wish I didn't
The more I understand what isn't
The more I stop and listen
The more I seek what's hidden
The more I refuse to confide
The more I begin to abide
The more I understand the lie
The more I give to try
The more I see myself in the mirror
The more life gets much clearer
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