I’m cold, but I
think I like it here. I’m alone, but I
think I need to be that way. I’m not afraid, but I think I should be.
These are the
thoughts that abandon my mind as I continue on my journey. This place, vast and expansive, all
encompassing. My mind tries to connect
it to the past, but fails at each attempt; where I am I’ve never been and have
no idea of how to escape. Is this real? Of course this is real. I feel the crackle of leaves and twigs
underfoot, the wet, semi-solid substance that I hope to be mud between my toes;
my toes have stubbed enough blunt objects to know the feel of uncovered rocks. I could see this entire forest if not for the
trees. The tree topped horizon escaping
my sight while the moon light helps illuminate the otherwise darkened night.
I should hope that
is night. Perhaps I am under a
canopy. Maybe this is an
experiment? Could I have been kidnapped
and drugged?
Perhaps. Perhaps
this is just a dream. I have been
sedated and am in deep sleep; a coma. They
say that you can’t feel pain in a dream and if you do you’ll instantly wake up;
but who are they and how do they know? Maybe I was in some sort of accident and am lying
in a hospital bed, the few acquaintances that I have gathered in my life
waiting in hopes of my quick return to them.
Then I should hope that this journey is quick or that they (more unknowns in this equation) are
patient enough to await my arrival.
I know not where this place is, yet this… wherever I am,
in all of its expansive surroundings, lies unchanging, untouched by the hand of
man. Life shaped by Mother Nature and
kept natural by her love and her fury.
In front of me lies the empty shell of what used to be a doe. Her eyes fully open, fixated in one place as
through the two were connected. Her
tongue, still moist as life has just departed its once home, hanging off to the
side of her partially closed mouth. No
wounds mark this body and I should hope that it did not suffer (not that past suffering pays any account to
the lost or witnessed). Around the
doe I hear quick snaps and pops of twigs and the shuffling of leaves as other
creatures, possibly the remainder of her herd, escaping in the distance at the
notice of my presence. I reach to close
the animal’s eyes, but something about their placement begs me to leave them in
peace.
She sees something. Perhaps she too is on a solemn journey. Or maybe she has escaped and wishes to lead
me to the exit.
I
follow her direction, finding this new path as endless as my last. Not knowing
my location, I imagine that my direct direction matters little, though, in my situation
I could be wrong. A cool breeze
tickles the back of my neck, chilling my skin with a touch as inviting as a
lover welcoming his mate. I stop in
place, looking around hoping for a companion to come from behind a nearby tree
and end my fruitless search for sanctuary.
No one is there, because no one is
here. No one is what I shall call myself,
and, as No one, I am nowhere and all around me is nothing. I long to quit this nothing more than I
long to inhale the next life sustaining breath that my body so requires.
I am tired and I refuse to
continue. I am bored with this ruse and
wish to no longer hide if the seeker shall not seek.
Rain
falls lightly as my pace slows. My
ambition is lost and the latter of my earlier conclusions becomes my new
hope. Soon from this dream the sleeper shall awaken. My mind wanders from the present seeking the
past and in it understanding. From the
former of my life nothing has been retained… And since I am No one, why should this not be the case?... and with no memories to grace this moment, I
fear that I am defeated as I continue to search.
As suddenly as I began walking, my body seizes still, limpness
takes over me, forcing me in all my momentum towards the sloppy mud like
substance upon the earth. As I try to
gain exactness as to my new condition, delirium begins to set, leaving my mind
in a void of wonder, a cacophony of nothing echoing loudly, as I embrace this
stoic comfort. Formerly abandoned
thoughts retake their place in my mind as my eyes lock forward and I whisper
into the sleepless night.
Wherever I am, I am there, and
whenever I am there… here I shall be.
